PC Gaming vs. The Beauty of Consoles

I’m pretty much prepared to receive hate mails after this article’s publication, and although I may escape attacks from hired goons, ( “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil” ), I may not escape attacks from worms and Trojans written for the death of my system. ( that psalm wasn’t written with computers in mind ) But it’s okay, that’s one of the perils of preaching the gospel, which isn’t for the faint hearted. Thus, I must preach. PC GAMING SUCKS! There, I’ve said it. PC GAMING SUCKS.

I cannot for the life of me and the good of mankind figure out why the majority of avid gamers are PC gamers. Why? I mean programming is hard enough, a slip of the fingers and you’ve got an army of bugs eating away at your codes. So why bring in that same hard work into gaming? First of all you would have to memorise a whole lot of keys, like you do not have enough things to worry about in the first place. I tried playing Soldier of Fortune on my PC lately, a friend of mine who’s a born salesman seduced me into it, but he forgot to mention the fact that memorising all the keys involved is like learning a new Object Oriented Programming platform. I mean what in the world has back slash got to do with gaming? While the enemy is busy firing away at me with victorious glee, I’m busy trying to remember which key will make me lean left. And when I finally remember, my fingers forget where the key is so I have to look at the keyboard to locate the key, and after finding the needed key, I look up at the screen and find these words written in dripping blood: YOU DIED. Well, that’s not in SOF but that’s not the point here. The point is, PC GAMING SUCKS!

I’m not here to convert the avid PC Gamer, they are beyond redemption, and I know I most probably will die from their hands. But I’m here for those innocent babes among you who are yet to be introduced to PC Gaming, the Console faithfuls and true believers. I am here to show you the dangers that are out there in the world of gaming, the lie, the big conspiracy that says the only true way to gaming utopia is through the PC. Be not deceived! The Game Console is the only way to Gaming Utopia! And I shall prove this with the following observations below.

The Game Console ( Xbox, Play Station, Nintendo ) was created for the sole purpose of spinning disks and churning out the ultimate gaming experience: superior graphics that do not drag when you run, surround sound that drown you in the game’s atmosphere, and easy puppet-control from a well crafted ergonomic control pad with very little buttons and knobs.  The PC on the other hand was assembled for the simple purpose of word processing. Then variations were made to pluralize its purpose and expand its market share; multimedia editing, graphics and programming, yadee yadee yadaa, but none was specifically made for the purpose of gaming.

Also, with the game console, you need not worry about memory. You could have a hundred goons happen on you at the same time with weapons drawn and combat ready and you could still easily squeeze yourself out of the quagmire, but on the PC, that is the time your memory chooses to drag the scenes out in slow motion, but the goons are not killing you in slow motion, only your escape is. You would think the game bribed your PC to make the memory go slow at moments like that just to be victorious. It happens to me a lot when playing Halo, whenever the ugly flood happen on me in scores, I find myself moving terribly slow and my guns stop cocking and firing, but they on the other hand are swiftly taking me out.

The PC already has programs running in the background, cutting down memory, but the game console has got no programs running at the background, and now with the advent of wireless pads, you can play at the convenience of a comfortable green distance, away from the irradiation of your screen, your torso well spread out in your lazy boy. But with the PC, you’re stuck right in front of the monitor, away from life, family and friends, the world slowly moving on, passing you by.

I’ve passed my gospel of Gaming Utopia. Some will be saved, some will be not, but the truth has been told, with no hard feelings of course. PC GAMING TRULY SUCKS.