Fable II

Fable II is a fairy tale open ended game with a control friendly and an ‘in-depth’ social interaction system. You begin by picking whether you are a boy or a girl and then your sister dies making the game about revenge and blab, blab, blab. It’s a standard game with a few quirks thrown in.

Before I butcher this game it does have some decent qualities, for instance: The animation for running and sword-wielding is excellent, well presented and the graphics make you feel like you’re living in a fairy tale; which I’m assuming was the idea. The way your character changes throughout the game depending on how you play is also interesting but evidently pointless because you’ll never see anyone else’s character unless you force your friend onto the couch  and make him watch. I also enjoyed the money making schemes; plenty in there such as real estate, good old fashion labour like making swords or cutting wood or… pouring pints? Well it was quite fun until you realise that the entire mini game stays the same no matter what level you get to it.
I’ll even say that the game is pretty long making you feel like you haven’t wasted your money but in my opinion none of these things save this retarded piece of gaming.

I always try to argue with a bad game, I try to find the good points! I really do. So here are some of the questions I have asked myself before completely trashing the game:

1. But its multi-player!
Actually its really not, sure you can invite a friend to play, but they can’t bring their own character over. Its ridiculous, you play the game one player for however many levels, develop your character, stick whatever clothes on you’ve bought, use which weapons you want and as soon as you play multi-player you have to pick between a couple of pre-made avatars and weapons. It makes the game utterly pointless because you can’t play with your character. It gets worse though. This incredible fairy tale world of beautiful green meadows and crop fields and oddly shaped buildings that you can run freely through it is blasted away. So when ‘the unique coop experience’ comes along all that happens is both of you are made to stay on the same screen. You can’t wander off from each other making a free roam game into an arcade game. My eyes bleed!

2. Its better than the first one.
Oh how it is. The first one could have been made by any ten year old and their retarded uncle. It truly was terrible, but is that a reason to forgive so many flaws on the second one? I don’t think so.

3. Making money is a lot of fun.
That might just be because I’m a greedy, but it is fun to accurate wealth. Dig for gold, kill for gold, work for gold, or buy out houses and rent them to AI families. It is a lot of fun… It was a lot of fun… It is no longer any fun. It might be useful if there was something to buy! The only half expensive thing I’ve come across to buy is another house that you can either ‘live’ in or rent out. It’s pointless.

4. The fighting style is fun and simple.
It is, its not the best fighting system but at least its simple; no combos to remember, its basically button mashing that looks good. Well it looks good for a while, but its so simple that you get bored very quickly, its also a little glitch ridden so were you aim or swing often goes in another direction. It’s OK, but doesn’t redeem anything.

5. The dog might be fun?
It isn’t. For some reason ‘Lionhead Studios’ are so proud of this mutt. It’s pointless, its animations are nice, but I played Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64); I screamed at the f*cking fairy for not leaving me alone. I’m bored with the idea of having a stupid animal follow me around. The dog doesn’t anything but get hurt. It runs ahead of you and finds you treasure but that’s about it. The dog isn’t fun.

6. You can get married and have a family.
Why yes you can! But I own ‘The Sims’. Its pointless because you can’t actually do anything, its good for a laugh I suppose, especially when you bed them, but other than that: pointless. 

Fable II is good for a few laughs, unfortunately that’s all it is good for. If you’re looking for a game you can really get into and enjoy then this isn’t for you. If you want something to kill time and do stupid things then this is more likely to be the game for you. But if you’re easily annoyed; like me, then you don’t want to play twenty hours of fat heroes, idiot guards, retarded dogs and tired old lines in a thick exaggerated London accent then run fast and run far. This game is pointless.