The Last Spartan Episodes 1-4
The last spartan to defend the earth……..and he’s dumb.
COM: This is Command calling Spartan HC13. Do you copy?
HC13: I copy command.
COM: Alright since you’re the last Spartan…
HC13: Wait!?! What?!?! I’m the last Spartan?! How?!?
COM: They kind of blew up the planet the rest of the Spartans were on, HC13.
HC13: Oh….but I have no combat skills whatsoever!
COM: WE know…but since you’re the last Spartan, this mission is yours.
HC13: Fine. What’s the mission?
COM: Just come over to Command as fast as you can. Wait….disregard that last order. We’ll just send a Falcon since we know you’ll get lost.
HC13: Yeah, that’s probably true.
COM: Command out.
HC13: Wait! When you say they blew up…
COM: Yes that means your dog too! Now Command out!
HC13: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh well. I’ll get a new dog!
Pilot: Get on HC13. I’m here to take you to Command.
HC13: Alright. But watch out for Covenant plasma launchers! This place is full of them!
Pilot: Wait, what?
HC13: Take us away!
[Falcon lifts off]
[Lock-on alarm activates]
Pilot: Aw crap.
[Fades to black]
[Falcon lands while on fire]
Pilot: Never, ever again.
HC13: didn’t you think it was fun?
Pilot: Fun? FUN? You think getting hit by plasma mortars is FUN?!?!?
HC13: Yeah. I never get to see this kind of action. My former CO said I had to do desk work since I was such a bad pilot.
Pilot: So how did?…..
General: No time for that now pilot. Get that bird over to the garage for repairs.
Pilot: Sir! Yes, sir!
[Pilot gets in Falcon and flies off]
General: And you, HC13, you are coming with me for debriefing.
General: Now HC13, you are the very last Spartan…
[HC13 looks at a Spartan Laser]
HC13: What does that do?
General: That is not for you to touch.
[Looks at a Grenade Launcher]
HC13: What about this?
General: Don’t touch that.
[Walks over to a Banshee]
HC13: And this?
General: Oh, you can touch that all you want, just don’t get in it.
[Goes behind Banshee and gets in]
General: I told you not to get in!
[Starts shooting plasma]
General: Stop that and get out!